unemployed: verb: without a job

March 8th 2011,,, Mommy Etue is offically off on maternity leave, in other words, unemployed.  Most people would be estatic over this status.  Me, not so much.  I have never enjoyed anything more than a vacation away from work.  I could never milk the system and sit home for an extended time.  I go stir crazy and feel like the walls are closing in.  I sit in the house and wonder what the hell I was thinking when I painted these walls crazy colors.  I painted them five years ago knowing I was never going to sit here and stare at them.  Little did I know what life had in store for me.  I was off on medical leave with my first pregnancy in 2007 and hated it.  I was often seen sporting a t-shirt that read, UNEMPLOYED.  I will be wearing that shirt again.  For lots of people in this county, unemployed, is just a way of life.  They know all the in's and out's of making it without a paycheck.  And they are somehow, someway, ok with this type of existance.  Not me, I prefer to be a contributing member of society giving away lots of my earnings to Uncle Sam every year.  But, as I sit here tonight, I am quickly realizing I am unemployed indefinately.  Baby Tyler will determine my existance from now on.  As long as he needs me, I will be home with him.  This may mean my children may go without the latest clothing crave or trips to bounce houses.  We will not be camping in our new trailer or eating steak every week.  But, non-the-less, we will be the Etue family hanging out at our house and enjoying the free things in life, and we will be hanging out here until our baby Tyler gets all fixed up and is ready to see the world.  We have about ten days until we will know for sure the extent of Tylers medical problems, and thus my extended time at home.  Until then, I am still talking myself into the fact I could be terminated before I get back to work.  As I said goodbye to everyone today, I jokingly said I was taking my name off my locker.  I only hope they hold a big contest to see who gets the prime locker spot.  It should only go to special people who would be willing to kick the door to get it closed just right and to someone who is ready to be-friend the other locker partner. I did manage to hold back tears today as I left the hospital and job I love.  It is my time to become a full-time mommy and take ownership to whatever that may mean.  I am sure there will be many, many more blogs about what that mommy job entails.  Stay tuned...