Listening To The Hours Ticking By

I have read a ton of other families experiences with their cleft affected children.  I always thought it was weird when they said they didn't want their childs wide smile to go away.  From the day I found out about Tylers clefts I couldn't wait for the first surgery.  If I could have sent him in the OR on his day of birth I totally would have signed that permit!  Now we are about 12 hours from sending him into the operating room and I think he is good just the way he is!  I have gotten so used to his cute, chunky, cheesey smerks.  Why can't this society just take people as they come,, why do we have to "fix" everyone?  I have turned into one of those cleft families who like their child's wide smile.

I usually have OCD.  I was packed for my childbirths at week 30.  I was probably packed for the hospital before we even knew which hospital I was delivering at with Tyler.  But I have been blissfully in denial this time around.  I told myself I was not thinking about the surgery until after our stay at our lake house for the July 4th holiday.  On the day we came home, I quietly told myself I was not thinking about it until I was finished working two shifts at the hospital.  Last night, Derek and I decided to buy a camper, so a camper shopping we went.  We fell in love with a trailer, and spent most of today working out the details and then finally placing a downpayment on it.  Today when I clocked out of my job I was still talking myself out of thinking of what was to come.  I have been focused on camper, birthday celebrations, and lastly, surgery details.  I did manage to go to the store for last minute things, but also occupied myself with picking out birthday things for the girls upcoming days.  I finally got around to packing for Tyler and I.  I find it kind of ironic that the day after we found out about Tylers clefts we had an appointment to check out some trailers.  We put those plans on hold because we did not know what the birth of this child was going to bring, both physically and financially.  So, I find it very fitting that the day before his first corrective surgery we have bought our first trailer.  Although tomorrow will bring lots of waiting, stress, and pain, Derek and I are blissfully looking forward to our upcoming family camping trips.  With every discussion about using our new camper, we start with, Tyler will be all healed when we......  I think tomorrow as I am sitting in the surgical waiting room I will start our family bucket list of places we want to visit.....  when Ty is all healed!!